I made a joke earlier today about how online dating is like looking for a job. I then followed this up with a comment about online dating being for losers... until I realised that I fall into that category.
For some reason, I've never seen myself as the looking for love type. The online dating websites that I see all over the telly - Match.com, eHarmony - seem completely separate from the kind of sites that I've been frequenting since I was a teenager - namely, Gaydar and Fitlads.
These are pick-up sites for gay men, who let's face it, have a very different approach to "dating". If a woman were to sign up for a site like this, she may well be shocked to be asked questions about the size of her vagina and how open she is to the idea of anal. Gay men exchange photos of their genitals before they do phone numbers. Internet dating may have been conceived as a fairy tale for the modern age, but when it comes to my experience of this particular corner of the web, there has always been a distinct lack of romance.
I was fifteen when I first met up with somebody from the Internet. It was eight years ago, but the media was already abuzz with talk of online predators. It added an element of risk to what I was doing, a cheeky thrill, that made me even more determined to see what the big deal was.
The whole experience was rather awkward, for a number of reasons. I had, of course, lied and said I was older, and my age, nerves and false bravado had failed to prepared me for the very adult expectations that come with that kind of meeting. I went home later that night feeling ashamed and slightly exhilarated. It was a very rude awakening to the kind of life that a lot of men lead, and after allowing myself a few more years to grow up a little, it was a world I re-entered with a much healthier and more mature attitude.
The Internet is invaluable to a lot of gay men. If you live in a small town, what is the likelihood of bumping into Mr Right in the supermarket? Or, you could live in a vibrant city, and detest the gay scene. Have you ever, like me, felt a pang of jealousy at the ease with which your straight friends can meet people spontaneously, fall in love, break up and start all over again, simply because it's all there right in front of them?
Sure, there's a lot of sleaze out there. I choose to find the humour in it rather than let it enrage my inner Puritan. Just as the Internet's primary use seems to be for porn, so gay dating sites are for sex. It's just one of those things. I've enjoyed it at times, and hated it at others. But I don't think it's going to change any time soon.
The world of mainstream online dating isn't just for perverts anymore. My own mother met her current fiance on the Internet. She likes to think of herself as something of a pioneer, as she met her previous husband through a dating agency in the very early Nineties, back when it was a bit racy. Nowadays, dating agencies are a thriving industry and looking for love (or sex) online no longer carries a stigma.
Which is something of a shame, as I always enjoy doing something more when I feel like I shouldn't.
J. x
For some reason, I've never seen myself as the looking for love type. The online dating websites that I see all over the telly - Match.com, eHarmony - seem completely separate from the kind of sites that I've been frequenting since I was a teenager - namely, Gaydar and Fitlads.
These are pick-up sites for gay men, who let's face it, have a very different approach to "dating". If a woman were to sign up for a site like this, she may well be shocked to be asked questions about the size of her vagina and how open she is to the idea of anal. Gay men exchange photos of their genitals before they do phone numbers. Internet dating may have been conceived as a fairy tale for the modern age, but when it comes to my experience of this particular corner of the web, there has always been a distinct lack of romance.
I was fifteen when I first met up with somebody from the Internet. It was eight years ago, but the media was already abuzz with talk of online predators. It added an element of risk to what I was doing, a cheeky thrill, that made me even more determined to see what the big deal was.
The whole experience was rather awkward, for a number of reasons. I had, of course, lied and said I was older, and my age, nerves and false bravado had failed to prepared me for the very adult expectations that come with that kind of meeting. I went home later that night feeling ashamed and slightly exhilarated. It was a very rude awakening to the kind of life that a lot of men lead, and after allowing myself a few more years to grow up a little, it was a world I re-entered with a much healthier and more mature attitude.
The Internet is invaluable to a lot of gay men. If you live in a small town, what is the likelihood of bumping into Mr Right in the supermarket? Or, you could live in a vibrant city, and detest the gay scene. Have you ever, like me, felt a pang of jealousy at the ease with which your straight friends can meet people spontaneously, fall in love, break up and start all over again, simply because it's all there right in front of them?
Sure, there's a lot of sleaze out there. I choose to find the humour in it rather than let it enrage my inner Puritan. Just as the Internet's primary use seems to be for porn, so gay dating sites are for sex. It's just one of those things. I've enjoyed it at times, and hated it at others. But I don't think it's going to change any time soon.
The world of mainstream online dating isn't just for perverts anymore. My own mother met her current fiance on the Internet. She likes to think of herself as something of a pioneer, as she met her previous husband through a dating agency in the very early Nineties, back when it was a bit racy. Nowadays, dating agencies are a thriving industry and looking for love (or sex) online no longer carries a stigma.
Which is something of a shame, as I always enjoy doing something more when I feel like I shouldn't.
J. x
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